Let me get my head around this pig odor scandal. Some people in Iowa want to study pig odors and for this they want a couple million dollars from a federal spending bill. The study has ended up on top of a pork barrel and everyone is having a good old fashioned laugh.

Except maybe most pig and cow farmers in most rural states who have come under the gun to clean up or clear out. Suburbanites are moving in and can’t stand the smell. I’m not making this up. Pig stink is a big federal case.

In my state it’s cow stink.  It's practically a law here that we have cows.   That’s because we are a dairy state and to be that, there has to be cows. Cows used to be so popular in this state, that some people thought "C O W” was how you spelled the name of my state. It wasn’t, of course, but some of us wish it was. It certainly is easier to remember.   

But anyhow, some years ago our State Agriculture Dept. set out to study how cows smelled. They held hearings and some folks had to get up in front of a microphone and tell some official listeners if cow smell offended them and how much cow stink can they stand.

Well, If you’ve ever been in front of a microphone you know it’s hard enough just to remember how to talk, But if you have to go on and describe–FOR CRYING OUT LOUD–what it’s like to walk behind a cow–I don’t even want to talk about this anymore.

But the truth of the matter is simply this: Cow and pig odors are being researched because some brave engineers think those odors can be made into alternative fuels to run our cars and light our houses.  

I’m confident that’s what is behind that federal pig odor “pork” bill over there in Iowa.

         The leading anti-pig pork guy is Sen. John McCain.  Now I like Sen. McCain but I think he knows more about animal odors than he lets on because he lives out there in Arizona and to do that you have to be a cowboy almost.  And if anybody knows animal smells, it's a cowboy--they sleep with them, for god's sake! (I believe McCain really wanted to be a cowboy all his life. Rumor says he wrote “cowboy” on the Navy application form that asked what he wanted to be in the Navy, so they put him in jet planes right away.)

In my state we've had a cow boondoogle or two.  One time, the state Agriculture Department hired a funny artist to put a picture of a cow on a sidewalk outside our famous state fair park. But some politicians took one look and said they would not pay the artist for his cow work. In fact they told him to take it away. 

But the artist saved the day and his paycheck too when he drew two of our world famous cream puffs right in the picture with the cow.  

In my state, we will pay good government money for cream puffs, but not so much for cows.